Friday, 2 December 2016

Soi In Rio

“When you live in a glasshouse don’t through stones”. I first heard that from Peter Macintosh. Later I heard that if you sell eggs, you must not start a fight in the market place.

You remember in season one of the series Soi in Rio, the supporting actor, Ben, snitched on Soi, the starring actor in the series. This was by Ben casually mentioning that Soi, walked around Rio with Ksh25 million stuffed in the rear pocket of his Nike branded tracksuit and a couple more in his Kenya-flag branded socks. Just to feel its warmth, he let the money give him the baby-pooped-on-himself look while athletes ate cold food at roadside vibandas and spent nights in dingy hovels. Luckily, zimwi likujualo halikuli likakwisha, so Ben did not find it wise to mention what other use the money might have served or deny that Villa Mimosa was involved because he wasn’t asked.

Also in season one, there was this episode, I think it was called Wa-Rio in Rio, where in protest the sports bigwig, Wa Rio, walked from Rio to Nairobi, across the amazon and the Atlantic, to tender is resignation in protest because he found to his total shock and surprise that National Olympic Committee Ke officials had been living large in Rio at the expense of the athletes and coaches.
Well just when you thought it was time to switch off the TV, some cops in blue trench coats and shiny black boots tiptoe up at Ben’s door after a tipoff and knock. It is still a matter of conjecture where the tipoff came from, but that is neither here nor there. Ben is sitting at his favourite spot at the end of the smooth dark-brown Meru oak dinning table. He is having his breakfast of BEST (bacon egg and sausage and whatever the T is). Ben does not like his breakfast interrupted. He reaches for another toasted slice and applies a copious layer of margarine. He is a “mchoraji” this Ben. As he chews on his Kenblest bread slice his brain is busy. He wonders, what is a better decoy; to let the idiots at the door have the Nike loot at the garage, and distract them from the attic or concede both the garage and the attic to save the yenye iko nyumbani?
But the guests at the door are getting impatient.
The shorter one asks the taller one.  “Afande tulialikwa hapa?”
Were we invited here? The taller answers no.
Na kwanini tunangojea kufunguliwa mlango?” Getting the cue the cop kicks in the mahogany imitation Taiwan imported door.
....
... a bit of (VHS) fast forward
To the consternation of all the afandes lead him not to a police cell but to Chiromo Lane Medical Centre.

Coming soon in Season 3

Meanwhile, across the city, a woman and her children are having a nightmare. On TV they hear Ben’s house has been raided. They are at Ben’s house but they have not seen any raid. Ben’s wife has been questioned. She is Bens “beloved” wife and she has not been questioned. They can see Ben being led away by people carrying bales similar to twenty or so Ben has in the extra bedroom, but Ben is not at home. He has travelled for the Paralympics, or bench marking in India or some such of his many long trips.
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